Perspective

"It's so easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole
While you're sitting around thinkin' bout what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever, is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all...
It sure makes everything seem so small"

-Carrie Underwood

In approximately one month, my replacement Colleen will arrive at site. Fortunately, I already know her; she was one of my site visitors. And, she's awesome! But all of it just makes my departure in 80 days seem all the more real. With so little time left in my service, I find my attitude about everything shifting. I spend all the time I can hanging out with my dogs and sitting on my front porch. Things that would usually annoy me or anger me, just don't bother me much these days. I don't have time to be anything but happy.
I spent the past week in Inhambane province, running the provincial REDES conference. It went really well but the entire time, I just was so anxious to get back to Chicumbane. I've never felt that way before; usually, I'm happy to take a break from the "same ol, same ol" at site. But now, my days are numbered and I feel the need to just be at home.
When my bus finally crossed the border from Inhambane into Gaza province, I literally breathed a sigh of relief. I got off the bus in Chicumbane with a smile on my face and a hop in my step, adoring the familiarity of my surroundings and well, the fact that I had come home. If a week-long trip could make me feel so homesick, I cannot even imagine how hard it will be for me to say my final goodbyes.
When people ask me if I'm excited to go back to the States, I don't know how to respond. I am, but it's such a bag of mixed emotions. Being here means being away from my friends, family, and fiance. Being there means leaving forever the people I've come to care about in Mozambique. My friend summed it up perfectly when he said, "Either way, your heart breaks."
I've spent two years trying to "fix" the problems I see in my community and in my workplace. Looking back on my service, I wish I'd spent less time frustrated about things I can't change and spending more time with the people I love.
We come in to Peace Corps with this "Save the world" mentality... But the truth is, we are the ones who leave changed.