Here It Goes Again

“Just when you think you’re in control
Just when you think you got a flow
Just when you get on a roll-
Oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again”
- Ok Go!

My mother always told me, “Don’t look to see who is behind you in the race, look ahead to see who is still in front of you.” That mentality has stuck with me through the years, for better or for worse. I have a competitive streak, and I constantly compare my achievements to that of other people. With that said, as I consider the past six months at site, it’s hard for me not to see my period in Chimundo as “time wasted.”
I read the blogs of my fellow volunteers, and I’m jealous of all the things that they have achieved while I have floundered at site, sought productivity and encountered only obstacles, and wondered if maybe, just maybe, it’s me that’s lacking.
This is a horrible way of thinking, I realize, but on a purely objective level (and that seems to be how Peace Corps operates) I have accomplished very little. I have developed ideas, programs, plans, community connections, but unfortunately, none of these will be realized.
In several weeks I will be moving to Chicumbane, a site one hour away from Chibuto and right outside of the city of XaiXai. It was a difficult choice to make but one that will enable me to work with organizations (I will be paired with two) that actually need a volunteer.
I’m leaving Chimundo right as my first tomatoes and okras are ripening, right as I’ve finally begun to feel at home here. I’m leaving a safe community, a nice house, my good friends/site mates, and I’m starting again at zero. But I am not here to live a complacent life. I don’t want to spend the rest of my service banging my head against a wall out of frustration or boredom.
Anyone who knows me well knows that moving is definitely, definitely, the bane of my existence. It’s such an overwhelming ordeal, and one that sends my stress level skyrocketing through the roof. I don’t know how to pack lightly. I can’t bear to throw anything away. I don’t sleep well in new environments. I can’t remember anybody I meet. I’m completely lost and disoriented for the first few weeks. Eh pa! How did I get so lucky, that I get to do this all over again for the second time in six months?
Peace Corps is supposed to help me transport all my belongings, with the exception of my dogs. So I’m currently imagining throwing Mel and XimaXima onto a chapa, where they will doubtlessly terrorize all the other passengers and possibly cause children to burst into tears. Should be fun. I’ll keep you updated.